The Pain of Courtship

In response to Question B.

It's a well known fact that emotional pain is closely linked to loss. It's no wonder that there is a direct correlation between suicide and unemployment, or that there are higher rates of depression in disaster zones and war-torn countries.

Much like self-fulfillment or worldly possessions are important to us, so too is the ideal of love, of belonging and respect and affection and the ever-present biological impulse of eros. The loss of a loved one (by death or otherwise) is just as devastating as the loss of a life-long career or a toiled-over home. In fact, Abraham Maslow puts the psychological need for love and belonging as more necessary than self-esteem and respect but less basic than one's safety and physiological demands on his famous Hierarchy of Needs. According to Maslow, the loss of a man's self-esteem, respect for himself and others, self-confidence and achievement is less devastating than the loss of his love and sense of belonging.

To answer your question, the pain of love happens because love is an important need, not the other way around. The general misunderstanding is that the pain that accompanies the loss of romantic love is something special, something unique. This pain is no different from the pain of losing a job, a friend or a home.