B

b. Just because experience of loving someone can hurt us emotionally, is the emotional pain itself just a matter of coincidence or is it a special sign that the experience is more vital in some way? Perhaps another way of looking at the question: is the experience significant because we feel pain or do we feel pain because the experience is significant?

It's no lie when they say that love can hurt, but even if you truly feel emotional duress during a relationship it doesn't mean that it's love. I'd say that the experience is signifigant because we feel pain. Well, it's significant in that you learn from it, but it's not more "vital". I once cared about someone so much that it hurt when we couldn't be together, but in retrospect, it wasn't love. I had mythologized him into what I concieved at the time to be my "soul mate", when in reality he was far from ideal. He was my first thought when I woke up in the morning and my last thought before I went to bed. My emotions took complete hold over me and I was an emotional mess. Though he told me that he felt the same way, a week later he was telling a close friend of mine the same nonsense. I think you could say that I loved the idea of him but having only a short time together that I didn't really know him well enough to actually love him. I believe that any painful emotional experience is signifigant as something to learn from in the future and possibly avoid but it is possible without what I consider to be true love (which I have yet to experience).

Question B

The experience is significant by itself. Pain is an indicator that something is wrong, not the cause of why we place significance on it. It's not as if the pain is coming from nowhere because of the situation. I wouldn't be surprised if I felt emotional duress after I broke up with someone. They were a huge part of my life and taking that away is going to damage me. Pain sucks and we remember pain very well, but it's more like part of the entire experience rather than the main reason why it's important. Anyway who disagrees must be a pretty severe narcissist, not even taking how other people affect them into account of their everyday thoughts.

To truly understand the answer to this question, we have to specify that the pain is limited to emotions, or if it is something more. True love, the kind romanticized by so many, is the kind that makes your stomach hurt or your tongue swell. To more accurately answer the question; we feel pain because the experience is significant, it is no fluke. True love is finding your significant other and giving yourself completely up to them, leaving no armor. While I have never experienced it myself, I have no way of proving it exists, but I have felt pain in terms of knowing who I belong with. The only problem is, if this is the perfect love, why should there even be a prospect of pain? Shouldn't the desire never be to hurt one another? The pain is synonimous to being in love. We take the chance of being hurt when we choose love. And while we never mean to inflict pain, it is inevitable. We cant help ourselves, but men are from mars and woman are from venus, and that naturally leads to tension.

A.

Courtly love in the Medievel period was very strict and it was followed like rules to a game. Some of these rules included not being able to show your love to others while in public or else it wouldnt be real love. Another of these rules includes paying for your lovers marraige and children when they get married. In other words, you pay for them to stay away from you. These rules seem rediculous. You shouldnt try to hid your love from the other person when your in public, you should express your love openly if you actually truly love them. Other peoples thoughts or expressions shouldnt matter and shouldnt change how you feel for each other. For example in the story of Lancelot, When his lover shows she is openly in love with him, he ignores her. Later in the story he tells her that he will pay all her generations if she should find another husband. Just the thought of this is rediculous. If someone doesnt love someone then they shouldnt have to pay them or take care of their future family. They should simply say that they dont have the same feeling for each other and just leave them be.

B

I believe that the pain we feel when in love is not a coincidence. We feel that pain because the experience we are having is significant. When we are in love we open up to others and give them the chance to hurt us. We put ourselves in a very vulnerable position. If you did not care about the person you were with, or really anything, then they could not hurt you. Love is not easy or anything like what we are brought up on. We hear stories of the perfect romance but once it is time to be in an actual relationship we have to learn that it is not really like that. Love can be difficult and since it is such a significant experience that leaves us vulnerable, the difficulty often brings us pain.

C

I personally feel that courtly love is an illegitimate form of love. People may think that it is legitimate because they feel that that is the way someone should be treated by their lover. I feel that courtly love was more of a way to express your fondness towards the other person, not necessarily true love. Back then, courtly love was used to express lust and it was a set of guidelines on how to treat another person, that was not necessarily your spouse, but that you felt lust for. Love on the other hand can contain some aspects of courtly love, however I strongly feel that they do not mean the same thing. Love is more of a passionate affection for another person where as courtly love is the polite treatment of someone you have an affair with. Comparing it with an example from today's society, it would be like someone cheating on their spouse. They might still love their spouse, but they feel the need to sleep with another person who they do not necessarily love. This does not mean that they will leave their spouse. Courtly love, in this case is simple how they would treat the person they are having an affair with.

B

I do not think that the emotional pain of loving someone is a coincidence, it's just common sense, really. Opening one's self up leaves you vulnerable. For someone like me, though, who is very skeptical of the idea of love in the first place, those painful feeling are what make the experience significant. If something provokes us to feel that way, then it must mean something important, or at least teach us something. The simple (in my opinion) act of "loving" is not enough to make us feel pain. We feel pain because our feelings are complex, and most likely not just "love".

Response to Question C

Courtly love should really be compared more to match-making than to lust. Courtly love was, as Tim pointed out, very formulaic and it followed many societal rules in that people of similar classes, whom would often be an attractive match conveniently “fell in love” and were generally married. Courtly love is very archaic and reminds one of primal tendencies to pick the most attractive, youthful appearing mate because they are likely to be fertile, etc. Courtly love is not blind. In this way, it is very unlike lust. Lust is quite blind, but in a more short-term way than love is. Courtly love, however, is certainly very unlike love as well, for it involves no knowledge about the person other than social standing and appearance. Courtly love is often, as we read, “lust from far away”-and even if it is long-lasting it is usually a very shallow attachment.

The Pain of Courtship

In response to Question B.

It's a well known fact that emotional pain is closely linked to loss. It's no wonder that there is a direct correlation between suicide and unemployment, or that there are higher rates of depression in disaster zones and war-torn countries.

Much like self-fulfillment or worldly possessions are important to us, so too is the ideal of love, of belonging and respect and affection and the ever-present biological impulse of eros. The loss of a loved one (by death or otherwise) is just as devastating as the loss of a life-long career or a toiled-over home. In fact, Abraham Maslow puts the psychological need for love and belonging as more necessary than self-esteem and respect but less basic than one's safety and physiological demands on his famous Hierarchy of Needs. According to Maslow, the loss of a man's self-esteem, respect for himself and others, self-confidence and achievement is less devastating than the loss of his love and sense of belonging.

To answer your question, the pain of love happens because love is an important need, not the other way around. The general misunderstanding is that the pain that accompanies the loss of romantic love is something special, something unique. This pain is no different from the pain of losing a job, a friend or a home.

c

I feel that courtly love is a legitimate kind of love. Many could argue why courtly love is an illegitimate love. This is mainly because courtly love is typically soiled in perpetual desire and lust between a knight and a noblewoman and sprouted into something more, which society was not willing to except. The love however, was much more legitimate in many more aspects then say a nobleman and noblewoman’s love. Marriage between a nobleman and noblewoman was often arranged. The two parties married rarely felt love for eachother. The marriage was used as a political tool rather than because of love. Courtly love happened between knights and married noblewomen. Knights were bound to the code of chivalry, so they would be good to the noblewoman. I therefore don’t feel that the nights were simply lusting after the noblewomen. They were in fact in love or trying to love the married noblewoman.

C.

i believe that courtly love is just an excuse for eros. i dont think it should count as love. i think that for there to be love between to people there need to be more then infatuation and secret affairs. yes i do understand that in this time period marrige was just for making babies but still atleast your husband is a stable figure and not flacky and can deny you at any time in public like courtly love state you should. i believe that courtly love back then was purely out of lust and desire for smething you cant have. it there need to get rid of the feel of want that they think is "love".
like the knight can formally speak to his "damsel" in public or even acknowledge she there and i honestly doubt that the time they do spend together there sitting around talk about there lifes. also the fact that the cant really get to know each other with out have the risk of comment something about the other private life.

B

I do not believe that the emotional pain felt along with love is a coincidence, I think that the pain is a direct result of the love and we feel pain because the experience is significant. I believe that most times, emotional pain is a result of opening oneself up completely and making oneself vulnerable. We are only hurt emotionally by other people when we allow ourselves to be, when we give others the power to hurt us. If you never really cared much about anything, you would never really be hurt, but since love is such a significant experience, allowing one to open up and feel strongly about something or someone, that person is subjecting themselves to pain.

C.

courtly love is not a legitimate type of love as it offers now new concepts to our idea of love, but is more of a set of guidelines of how to love someone. whereas our modern idea of love involves pain and devotion and truthfulness, courtly love is more of a way to engage with someone that you are fond of, similar to a dating guide i suppose, but regardless of whether you follow the rules of courtly love or not, there is still a love between people and courtly love is just a way of expressing that love.

Question B

I think that it's obvious to say that the only reason why break-ups and "heartbreak" is so painful because we feel pain, but I don't believe that is completely true. Yes, human beings feel pain therefore many things that we do in life can result in physical or emotional pain, but I think the reason why we feel pain is because the experience that a person may go through is significant. I think it's really the experience that has an impact because not everyone's situation is the same. For some people it may be a break-up with someone whom you have fallen in love with for the first time. Many people will often tell you that they remember their first love because you experience being open and trusting with another person for the first time. Others remember experiences where the person may have treated you badly whether it's physical, emotionally, or just by being unfaithful. It's the experience like many things in life that teach you to hopefully not stay with the same kinds of people. We feel pain because when your in love you have to be open to possibly getting hurt even though you hope you don't. You have to completelylet your guard down and accept the fact that you may get hurt. I personally accept that things may not go like I want them to go and it's okay to feel the pain the comes after because it's just the body's way of dealing with a let down. Even in those relationships where strong feelings may not have developed I think people still take away some kind of message from it.

Question 6A

Courtly love, or the "fine love," emerged as a romantic concept of a stylized relationship between a nobleman, a knight, and his beloved, a lady of the court, in the Middle Ages that involved a number of rules and principles which pertained to the ideal of a love more genuine than the common arranged marriage. It also touched on the concepts of nobility and chivalry, both central to aristocratic life in Medieval Europe. Capellanus, with his book "The Art of Courtly Love," was one of the first authors to address and elaborate on the concept. He included over 30 rules of love (31), which defined the nature and boundaries of courtly love as well as its scope, the effects and the course that it took, or was supposed to take, in the lives of those who experienced it.

Is courtly love a behavioral ideal that one can or should try to follow when loving someone? In my opinion, we are all creatures of our own time and space and our thinking, values, standards and norms of behavior to a large extent bear the markings of the socio-economic relations and cultural lives of our period. Today, at least in principle, we associate the concepts of love and marriage with one another. We do not say, or believe, that we should marry one person and love another. That throws the first rule of courtly love, that "Marriage should not be a deterrent to love," right out the window. Nor many people today would agree with the assertion that "it is necessary for a male to reach the age of maturity in order to love," as maintained by Capellanus.

That is not to say that all of Capellanus' observations, or "rules," are irrelevant or outdated. Still love "waxes and wanes" and I suppose "the sight of one's beloved causes palpitations of the heart" even today. I also think the rule that "a lover should not love anyone who would be an embarrassing marriage choice" continues to be a sound one, even though nowadays it cannot be said that "public revelation of love is deadly to love in most instances," not unless you are a married politician!

I guess what I want to say, in short, is that every period has its own rules and ideals and although some transcend time others do not and "courtly love" is no exception.

Response A

Alot of "The Art of Courtly Love", or just courtly love in general, seems very systematic, formulaic, strict. All of these are the exact opposite of what love is meant to be and what it should be. At least in terms of modern culture and film, love should be spontaneous. It should come from a natural connection (or attraction) to another person. It shouldn't come from silly rules like: always do (insert gentlemanly action here) before speaking to a woman. if a man does not do this, he should be ignored. This is just a generalization of courtly love, but it is mostly true. What this does is it turns love into a system almost. If you don't fit the system you are out. The last thing it seems to emphasize is actual connection, and to me that is just strange and wrong.

B

We all feel pain for one reason or another, whether physical or emotional. The pain of a break-up of a relationship is an emotional pain with which many people have a hard time coping with. This pain is felt because that relationship had such a significant impact on their lives. Relationships that last bring many good times to both of the people in a relationship with one another. They enjoy each others company, they enjoy the time they spend with one another doing whatever. They essentially devote every waking moment to one another in order to keep each other happy because they want to stay with each other. When a relationship ends or hits a rough, they feel pain because the experience with each other is such a big part of their life, and has such a massive impact on it. Think of all of the people who have done something stupid or insane just because of a bad break-up. It is because they love that person and will do anything for them.

B.

I think that both the experience of loving someone is significant because we feel pain and we feel pain because the experience is significant.
Loving someone is significant in our lives because we feel pain. This other person is very important in their life and if they leave or something happens to part the couple, then one will definitley feel pain. Being so attached to something and then just loosing it is really hard. Something in your life is missing and you will feel pain from it which will make the experience significant. But we also feel pain because the experience is significant. Society is made to think that falling in love is a huge deal and that being heartbroken is a tragedy that few recover from. The experience of love is significant because of all the fuss about it. The media has us thinking that it is the biggest and greatest experience of our lives and so when we loose it, we feel pain because it is so significant. The emotional pain of loving someone is not a coincidence. The experience is definitely somewhat vital. Being around someone for so long and having so many feelings for them is emotional and the pain isn't fake. Although it may be overdone because of how society makes us believe that love is everything, it is still real, and not a coincidence.

B.

It is human condition to want affection from other beings. It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Love absolutely hurts people who are blinded in what they conceive as true love. I don't believe that the pain is a coincidence. Love is the source of the pain. We feel the pain because we are brought up on myths and mysteries of "true" love. However, humans learn best through experience, and what they conceive as true love isn't always it. They are tricked. That explains all the divorce in the United States anyway. But because we are able to learn from our mistakes, it makes the conception of what we think is love significant. It makes people stronger. Time heals all wounds, and once they are healed people can take the knowledge of what they've learned through this significant experience in order to continue their search for their soul mate. Sort of like a trial and error test. So, we feel pain in order to gain the most from the experience because heartbreak can be significant to changing a person's life and allow them to continue spreading the love.

Blog Post #6: Courtly Love

In light of our readings and discussions on courtly love (Capellanus’s De Arte Honesti Amandi and Malory’s Le Morte D’Arthur), answer one of the following:

a. Reflect on the rules and customs of the courtly love tradition began in the Medieval period. Is courtly love a behavioral ideal that you should try to follow when you love someone? You should make reference to at least one of the texts we’ve looked concerning courtly love.

b. Just because experience of loving someone can hurt us emotionally, is the emotional pain itself just a matter of coincidence or is it a special sign that the experience is more vital in some way? Perhaps another way of looking at the question: is the experience significant because we feel pain or do we feel pain because the experience is significant?

c. Explain if you believe that courtly love is a legitimate kind of love or just a way of making eros or lust more socially acceptable. To do this, explore the aspects of courtly love that seem to separate it from eros.

POST DUE: Wednesday, March 24 by start of class.
2 RESPONSES TO POSTS DUE: Friday, March 26 by the start of class.